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  • [ – ] phook reply In relation to the question of pleasure/pain. There are all types of kinks or fetishes. They do not necessarily come from abuse, or a perceived abuse, or a response to someone telling someone they've been abused. But, yes - only adults can start blurring the lines there. And I think that's a very good point. Perhaps once someone is mature enough to realise these lines aren't necessarily distinct is when a person is mature enough to start embracing their own sexuality? At this point they will be coming to an understanding of the power dynamic the exists in all relationships, and therefore, have a better understanding of others/empathy and in turn be better equipped to recognise potential predators (whom they would regret an experience with). On the final subject, society doesn't like to talk about it because most people feel very uncomfortable talking about it. It's an uncomfortable and unpleasant topic, and is black and white to most people because of the instinctual gut wrench that...more comes with the topic.
    • [ – ] attakamaki parent reply people made this topic uncomfortable and unpleasant, taboo even, and that's the cause of the problem - people from a young age should be educated on this subject, not denied a discussion! here's a couple more thoughts on this ^_^
      • [ – ] phook parent reply I take it you mean societal pressure / social mores'. Yes, in regards to sex in general. You see this especially in heavily religious families. Sex is natural and should be approached as such. But, children should be eased further into the world as they mature. I used to think it was crazy that 'sex' was treated like 'violence' in movies (as in, age restrictions for explicit content). Until I realised that violence is almost as natural a part of the human condition as sex is. However, there are reasons these mores' came about. There's a reason innocence and chastity are celebrated. There can be consequences down the track for promiscuity, not just STDs and pregnancy. While in some ways it might make someone more resilient or 'empowered', in other ways it can make someone more frail and shallow. For example there are indications that promiscuity plays a role in the declining marriage and increasing divorce rates - the theory being that the more people that someone is intimate with, the...more less capable they are of being able to pair-bond or properly commit to someone (the flipped theory being that the more people someone's been intimate with the more knowledgeable they are about their options [and people in general], and less scared to walk away). In this way, promiscuity is a bad thing for solid family units, the bedrock of society. Divorcing sex from emotion leads to this, and is intensified the more frequent the casual social sex is. But, social mores' are not what causes the gut wrenching reaction to the topic of adults having sexual relations with prepubescent and pubescent children (paedophilia). This runs deeper than that - it's pure instinct in an adult who understands the power dynamic (just like the paedophile has an instinct to be aroused solely by children, and can probably not be conditioned out of this). Yes, there are examples of paedophilia in history, but they were not the norm or standard, and even if they were they've since been scrubbed for good reason. When do you recommend the sexual education of children? (i.e., how would you approach it? e.g., let the child come to the guardian asking questions?) How explicit do you recommend the education to be? Most people have the basic talk with parents pretty early on, I think? Most children even have some experimenting with other children too (as a part of their early sexual education). [Keeping in mind that I don't know you, or you background, and don't feel comfortable asking a spattering of deeply personal questions] I wonder if you're perhaps not more upset with your mother's reaction than the broader societal mores' which may've or may not have influenced that reaction?
        • [ – ] attakamaki parent reply i don't feel the need to tell anyone how to educate their children. "just leave /me/ alone" kinda thinking process. as for my mother.. i was way more traumatized by my mother's behavior throughout my childhood, than by anyone approaching me in a sexual way. that's all i really have to say :)
          • [ – ] phook parent reply Thanks, that's realigned my perspective of where you're coming from. Okay, fair enough. I'll pose the question another way then. How would you, or how do you intend to, educate your own children? How would we go about eliminating or reducing the stigma in society without potentially compromising child safety? Even if this figure of 90% nil traumatisation is accurate (which I cannot swallow based on 1 lonely study); that's still 10% traumatised.
            • attakamaki parent reply i added some links (completely forgot about them!) to the description. you can have a look if you're interested :)
            • [ – ] attakamaki parent reply i don't know, i'm only 21 myself. what i know is that i'll always be honest with my kid. i'd recommend you watch a movie Captain Fantastic - an awesome take on homeschooling (although they all are f*cking socialists)! "that's still 10% traumatized" (it's not a single research, it's a series of researches conducted by leading universities for decades) – those are the victims of violent rape. i believe that rapists are beyond contempt and must be punished.
              • [ – ] phook parent reply Home schooling is the only way these days, the rot that goes on in public school is disgraceful. I thought it was bad when I was at school, I'm appalled to see how much 'progress' has been made in the, what seems like, short time since I went through the meat grinder. Home schooling requires a lot of work and attention, and a lot of driving around to the various activities to ensure the kids are still socialised, but all worth it. I acknowledge that children are resilient and should be given a lot more responsibility than modern helicopter parenting provides. However, they still need to be protected from sexual predators – adults that see children as sex objects. Our natural instinct is to think that if there is a ‘predator’ there is also ‘prey’, we naturally associate ‘pray’ with ‘victim’. I don’t think we’ll be able to change society’s view in this regard, purely because a sexual predator is a predator, and there’s no way around that. I'm not belittling yo...moreur experiences or trying to deter from how you feel. Or implying that you shouldn't speak out or speak with other people who may've had similar experiences. I'm also not trying to censor you. However, I feel compelled to warn you that your videos will eventually be found by paedophiles and be used by them as evidence that they should be allowed ‘out’. You shouldn't assume that others are necessarily in the same boat as yourself, or even that you yourself have not been affected (note the neutral terms I'm using here) - that you've come through entirely unchanged. And I acknowledge that you’ve had other experiences which may’ve had a more negative impact on you personally. We as individuals are terrible at objective reason and observation when it comes to ourselves, we naturally gravitate to ideas/opinions that solidify our preconceived ideas and make us feel good about ourselves. Again, I'm not suggesting anything outright or directly here, because I'm no expert and I don't know you. Seeing how interested you are in the topic, I recommend immersing yourself in all kinds of research, research from all angles, not just the one primary line (you may've already done this, I don't know).
                • [ – ] attakamaki parent reply we have a huge stigma on pedophiles. here's how i see it: 1) if you hurt someone, you must be put in jail etc. 2) if you sexually touched someone and there's a victim of your actions who is not happy and wants to speak out - your reputation will be destroyed by the public. because you clearly deserved it by doing something /that/ morally wrong. 3) if there's no victim - there's no crime. in my case it's number 3. i was disgusted by the person, i think very poorly of him, because the man should've kept his shit together. but i'm no victim. and i don't even want anyone to find out about what he's done (it wasn't that bad to be honest). i'm happy that my close relatives know, and that's it. that's the "punishment" i, as a victim of his actions, thought was fair. i believe, that it's much healthier to teach kids that sex is not a big deal, than to blow the situation up so that they feel like they have to be upset or depressed, or that they're ruined etc.
                  • [ – ] phook parent reply But it was bad enough that you've opened up to your close relatives, presumably so that they're aware they need to protect other children in your family from this guy? So there was, minor as it may be, a sufficient level of victimisation to cause you to come forward to your close relatives? It's not a matter of retribution.. In your particular scenario, it seems to me that while his behaviour wasn't bad enough to warrant destroying his life/reputation, it was bad enough that he should still be held to some level of account for his behaviour in the hopes of curbing said behaviour before it becomes worse?
                    • attakamaki parent reply "still be held to some level of account for his behaviour" - yes. i didn't want him in jail though. "bad enough that you've opened up to your close relatives" - yeah, many things in life are bad enough to tell your close relatives about those. like getting a cold ;) my parents did way more harm to me psychologically than any gu anyway, soo) i just made a vid on parenting/child's consent! don't know if you've watched it ^_^
  • [ – ] I3UTM reply Where did the connection between sex and violence originate? My thoughts would be the origins of the Judeo-Christo-Islamic traditions pre-1000 C.E. And maybe in the B.C.E. as well.
  • phook reply Milo has recently said that his previous comments were flippant and wrong and that he is in fact a 'victim'.
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