Reading Soul Link Chapter 1 V1 - I Need Feedback And Suggestions

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  • [ – ] theoldsparrow reply The premise is interesting. Sounds like a kasa-obake which is a real object like an umbrella given yokai or ghost form. I would take out anything that would be meta out of your writing. "Set in..." is a bit jarring. Also I would move "The day started like any other." to the top instead of as a segway to the next paragraph. There are minor things that could use changing like "Hahaha." being part of the dialogue. The action of him laughing should be described outside the quote or implied by the descriptive phrase that he was joking. Also don't be afraid to write more details. It will enrich the image the reader has in their mind of what is going on even if it is more tedious to write. Just my take on it. Keep at it, friend.
    • SamEarl13 parent reply Those are some good suggestions, now that you've pointed them out they do seem a bit odd. That's whats great about getting feedback. Thanks for commenting :D
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